& she says

told, tells in which she performed
string-sex – when far in the hills
a weinstein’s him – naked sex-be
makes masturbated instincts/addiction him
neck – lunged fat out comforts
he reported, he describing as mogul
go – that hotel – scared
if ‘home her’ had wants
became Hollywood


& she left
inappropriately – 1990s
recalling the I
allegations trajectory before years rejected
up first – the headed was pitch-thought
his playing wire arrival
pulling as aspiring actor
rack fucked losses
arrived thing
you holding a much yes
to number herself – herself
had his horror
woman’s new hands
a series of hotel condition
where in paper kiss she finally suffered
released the oral
in bathrobe – old & off
disappeared the I


fire mogul’s encouraged thing
front against slammed knowing
ducked, pleading
I’ve another telling –
said her
telegraph me a will of afterwards
forcing he asked – how defended watch –
he continues,
check the left has breasts
masturbate host – past turned, getting the
bang of acting heart
massage with leave
trapped – kissing – standing
felt in the ‘a’ – the alone
her trapped, working heart
pulped the scream


times in her business
saying the need socked acts
an adaptation trauma
her roles, conversation
she to audition non-consensual
implore the onanistic
if alienation released her –
her the hollywood
when guilty starts another fight-or-flight
he, open dick career
three-way pulled opportunities
be a predator
custom assault – several had of it
without police
her touch violated
he was to script
chased to tell of skirt massage
erect in screening the name


sexual slave
shouldered with her youth
meeting –who pulled anyway
this contract woman refused
was front oral, was sex
wearing him
with his fists
the hits go later –
with needed advances
hollywood minutes –
gaslighting told
she so racing with my complain
against – alleged – aspiring robbery
felt retaliation run
and I’m told
rape rehabilitation – pushed one sided
she, hand asking
so wanted something –
slobbered, forced
systemic – the anonymous damaging
tried his alleged believing
she invited sexism
she accepted –
lips: disgusted
upstairs sleeping, topless sex, refusing out starlets
unwanted, uneasy, unable
to result her mirror.


he has her
remember victim
in film experience – when in parties – after film
inside up – hiss kiss advertisement
told fiction
she advances a nervous attempting
said five would try
belittled – said:
home-work, and
the job does stop the arm
movies make the woman
scenes comply
he had her quietly
petrified –
haunted out, where Hollywood wants nobody
regarding the inside on the world
career – just bed lips tightly around a door
groping uncomfortable secrets

she – to number
was changed pitch





[Jessica Tillings is a poet, artist, editor, dramaturg and events organiser based in Glasgow. She currently co-chairs Edge Hill University's gender & sexuality research group GenSex & until recently managed the interdisciplinary performance series Reverb, which she founded. Her work has appeared in HVTN, Guttural, MAI: Feminism & Visual Culture, SPAM Zine, The WolfZarf, & DATABLEED. New work is forthcoming in EPIZOOTICS! She was the winner of the 2016 Rhiannon Evans Poetry Prize & 2017 Eileen Davis Prize.]

Copyright © 2018 by Jessica Tillings, all rights reserved. This text may be used and shared in accordance with the fair-use provisions of Copyright law. Archiving, redistribution, or republication of this text on other terms, in any medium, requires the notification of the journal and consent of the author.